Today, or rather tonight, 30 years ago we sat at the kitchen table of Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Bonnie Elias and played Chicken Scratch. They weren’t either one of our grandparents, we were killing time. Our wedding was the next day. Our rehearsal had been the night before because of people in the wedding with conflicts on Friday night. I was waiting for my friend to come from Illinois and of course (we weren’t married yet) Jim wanted to be with me 🙂 and I was living with Bonnie and Charles between leaving the apartment and being married. Chicken scratch; a mindless game of dominoes and pennies and one you learned to play quickly if you spent any time with Charles and Bonnie. Tomorrow, about 2 p.m. (according to Jim’s mother who was home listening to the wedding via a speaker phone) told us we were married about 2. The wedding started at 1. It was a long wedding; lots of music and jokes and fun… It was also a very hot day, with no air conditioning in the church.. Oh that’s right; it was during fair week in Kasson. 535 plus people came. A few crashed the party because they wanted to see who this guy was that I was marrying. The rest came out of obligation I am sure!
So 30 years, what have I learned. Not much and a lot at the same time. I thought I could share 30 things worth remembering, then chopped it to ten and well…. I did come up with my top five things I think are worth mentioning…
5. Stay cool. That was the advice given by my grandma. Actually she didn’t hear very well so when Aaron asked her for advice she just said something. It actually made sense. I get bent out about things, pretty quickly actually, but usually no one knows on the outside. I don’t think that’s all bad. Keeping stuff inside till you can put it in its compartments means a lot less apologizing. Think about it, cool down, sort it out and then when it’s cool if it’s still burning your heart, talk about it and work it out.
4. Don’t make life about stuff. I never really cared for stuff. I am a bit of a hoarder in some ways, but it’s different things than others would even think about. I still have a record Ronnie Newman gave me (he was the organist at the Metrodome for the Twins) and I also have one from WestMinster Abby Cathedral. We have lived our life without stuff. Stuff takes money. Money creates strife and stress. The kids grew up with quarters in a zip lock baggie and we would hit rummage sales. They were in heaven. They learned that Savers, Goodwill and Salvation Army are their best friend. Did we have the money? Yes, but we didn’t make it about money. We didn’t make life about stuff. Did I get nice anniversary gifts? Nope! In fact I can only name you one that I remember. It wasn’t about stuff.
3. Feed em and make em happy. I know that it sounds corny, but through the years I always make home made food and make sure he has lots of it. We grew up on the farm. We learned to cook home made food. We made three meals a day and we cooked for hired men. We had a meat, potato, veggie and dessert. We carried lunch in the afternoon to the men in the field which usually were sandwiches, homemade cookies and lots of water and lemonade. It’s not really feeding that makes people happy, but its a basic need that satisfies both the heart and the stomach. Eating together as a family, and we did every night even when the kids were in school, was a must. You did not miss a meal. It was family time. That’s when we learned a lot of interesting things. Through the past few years, it hasn’t been my kids at my table, but it’s been a table full. Often we will feed multiple people at our big table. Whether it’s horse kids, friends, friends of friends, or small group, eating together is huge. Jesus ate with lots of people. He set a precedent. Eating with people tells them they are worth something… Expensive; perhaps but then again it’s not something I keep track of! And there usually is cookie dough in the fridge for fresh chocolate chip cookies.
2. Don’t expect a bed of roses. We began our dating experience basically in the hospital. Jim’s mother was sick with cancer. Our first Valentine’s day was spent in the hospital and then we went out to eat and couldn’t figure out why everyone was filled up. DUH! We ended up at Country Kitchen. Jim’s mother died a month after we were married. We buried children, friends, family and went through a few years I would just as soon forget existed however I didn’t sign up for a drama free life. I would have prefered one but I didn’t think I would get one. If you know Jim, he has a fairly drama free personality. You take what’s been dumped in front of you and either shovel it or walk through it. If you chose to walk through it, don’t complain about what’s on your shoes. I would love for things to go the way I planned. Life doesn’t happen that way. I was almost 30 when we got married. My father had said, ‘go see the world! You can always find someone to marry you.’ Well, what happened was I married someone like my father. My father was relatively drama free. That’s probably one of the things that drew me to Jim. And, no I didn’t date him long enough to see another side of him. And after 30 years, I haven’t found another side yet. The things I loved about my dad, he has lots of those qualities and yes he has some of the things that drove me nuts about my father. In the words of a song Lynn Anderson made famous, “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.” But what I was promised was for better or for worse… and we have had both. And I can see the benefit of both even walking through the smuck, scooping and shoveling our way out of doo-doo! If you look, you can see good in anything… even if it’s that it will soon be over!
1. It’s not about the two of us and it never will be. I can’t imagine walking through life just with another person and that’s it. Me and Thee and we is in love! Life doesn’t work that way. God has been an underlying presence but also the friendships that have been 30 plus years of building blocks have kept me from running away with my tail between my legs. Friends help us keep walking. Friends help us stay focused. Friendships, especially Christian, keep our mind on the end not on the middle. We always get excited at the beginning but the middle can be a bit tough. I like bridges but not necessarily the rope bridges or suspension bridges. It’s fun to begin walking but pretty soon it starts to sway, or someone in front of you is rocking it, and you want to run back across the bridge. What you don’t often realize is that it’s farther sometimes to go back than just to keep going forward. Friends help keep you walking when you have fallen on all fours and are hanging onto the boards freaking out. Friends help you stay accountable. Friends also, force you to do things that are awkward but good for you. This past week I saw several people who were at our wedding 30 years ago. I talked to several others. That’s the incredible thing God has done- let me have them for the last 30 years. I also have buried friends who started out the journey with us. It hurts the heart but warms the soul when we think of those who have walked along side, regardless of how close they live or how far away. People who you can call up and just be reminded that it’s not about the two of us…. and it never will be. God meant us to be in community.
So, sorry, nothing romantic and fluffy. Our favorite song tends to be, “She thinks my tractor’s sexy” more than the Michael Bolton crooning. Going on a bike ride or cutting wood at the cabin would be favorite activities. I take a trip- he pays for it and stays home and we are both happy… although we will be doing a fun trip in a few weeks. It’s about finding out who you are as you grow and letting each other be that person and make that person better. We wrote our vows, or rather I wrote them and Jim agreed!!!! At the end it said, “I will work to make you a better person and better Christian.” So after 30 years, four kids, at least that many dogs, too many cats to mention, two homes and a cabin, three boats- one that never worked right, several trips to the emergency room mostly for me but a couple for him and moving kids all over kingdom come, it’s just life. Life that just goes on and if you look you will find the blessings in weed whipping, hauling corn and making tractor runs in the middle of the night. It’s being frustrated, angry and feeling lost and alone, and not letting the feelings take over and dominate life. It’s standing by the side of graves and wondering how blessed you were to have that friend for as long as you did. And reading through 1 John and wondering how hard it still is to live out! 
moved here 12 years ago. I planted iris. I didn’t know deer like iris. Pretty soon the deer had eaten all my iris. Good idea- bad plan. But now all over the marsh I see purple iris. For the deer eat and then poop the iris seeds across the marsh. Iris grow wherever those seeds find themselves… I never know where they will pop up. Just like my plans get eaten by life. And then some good pops up where I least expect it.
Special Touch Ministry 