Author: marettej

We were studying In our small group last week about forgiveness. One of the verses talks about living as much as it lies within you, live at peace with all men.

Well that’s a mouthful. I can live , not within me, at peace. I can look someone in the eye and smile and pretend. It what’s happening within me, that gets me riled up because they are my porcupine. We all have them in our lives. Some of us have more porcupines than others . I am notsure if a herd is applicable, but I seem to have more than my share.

Why is it so hard to hug a porcupine? Because they have quills. Porcupines are happy until threatened and they have quills for their protection. There are times that porcupines are not threatened but they have quills. It’s their second Nature .

So as much as it lies within me, even if my outside seems to be quite calm and serene, my inside needs to catch up. I have heard the saying , “never trust someone who says, “trust me”.” I heard that again on the way to church the other morning. I needed it before the end of the day. A porcupine was shooting quills and I wasn’t even the one it was shooting at nor was I anywhere near. Sometimes we get in the way of a porcupine simply because we are in life.

I didn’t sleep well that night, partially because of the disappointment the porcupine threw at people, and partly because I am still trying to figure out why God made porcupines and now I have to figure out why God made people who act like porcupines. I tend to just hide. I like to stay away from the line of fire and dig a hole. That’s probably not the best thing, just as the porcupine shooting at people isn’t the best thing either, but, we are both here and need to figure out how to keep from hurting others either by shooting or by avoiding.

So once again I go back to the verse, as much as it is within you, live at peace with all men.

Stars in my sky… that’s what I told someone yesterday. I love a dark night… I love to sit on the dark dock up north and watch the stars. Sometimes there is a falling star, sometimes a million and sometimes just the constellations and me frantically trying to remember what I learned in grade school. The stars in my sky…. are the friends who have walked through life with me. Some of them are in groups similar to the constellations. They appear for a certain time, for such a time as this from Esther, others are the falling stars that are here for a fleeting moment but all make my night worth looking up in the sky. They bring comfort, thrill my heart and I can’t count them there are so many. It reminds me of the promise made to Abraham in Genesis 24. I could reword that to be ,”I will make your friends as numerous as the stars in the sky.” And again in 1 Corinthians 15:41 reminds me , the sun has one kind of beauty, the moon another. The stars yet another; indeed each star has its own individual beauty.” I am so thankful for the stars in my life. Each of them individual and each of them special regardless of the time they have shown in my heart. I did open a gift early: the kids worked together to contact 60 friends and have them write something and make a book of it, I know some more will come in, but it amazed me at what the stars in my life said from their heart. A cool birthday gift by even a more awesome gift to know that even in my darkest night there are stars shining in my corner… I just need to go look in my sky….

It broke. No we have no ice maker. We do however have a ruined floor from where the water had been dripping under the fridge for weeks or months and soaking up under the flooring. Ice; we have to make it by hand. Pour water in a small tray and freeze. Such a process and yet God does it so brilliantly. One wakes up to the trees covered and the world a fairy tale land. It’s beautiful, it’s almost sacred and it’s slippery. God takes no effort to design, create and amazing us with the beauty of ice. And, in a split second we go from gingerly walking, to flailing the air and landing with a great thud.

Job mentions ice. God is talking to Job about who created the world and where was Job when it all began. In chapter 38 God is giving Job a lesson The Who done it’s in the world. It reminds me of when I would stand three children in front of me and ask who gave them breakfast, who washed their clothes, who gave them life. God reminds us , “from whose womb comes ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens when the waters become as hard as stone?” God made some pretty incredible things and ice has to be one of them. Oh, we can create ice, after God creates water. We can create ice after man has made a freezer for us to put it in, or unless God drops the weather temperature low…

The things we find beauty in we also find challenges with. In the cafe, when asked if you want ice, on a hot day in August, the answer is yes. On a cold day in January, perhaps the answer is no. We want ice. We don’t want ice. We want sun. We don’t want sun. We want snow. We don’t want snow. We want friends. We want to be left alone. We want stuff. We donate stuff. There are moments when the things we want, may disappear or we cease to want them. On a cold, icy day in Illinois with schools cancelled, we don’t really want any more ice and yet we have ice everywhere and the time to watch it’s crystals and be amazed at its beauty. It’s more beautiful when we aren’t sitting on our behind on the sidewalk covered with it, but it still is a thing of beauty.

I have begun writing out the Psalms I am up to 57. It’s been quite the adventure. Before I go to bed at night, I write out a Psalm. I journal the highlights, make the words that jump out at me in large special design and it’s the last thing I think about before I lay my head on my pillow. That’s a good thing- that’s a bad thing. That’s what I am thinking about as I slowly drift off, or awaken in the middle of the night.

I am not a morning person. I have never been although I have desperately tried to convince my body that morning is a blessing and being a part of it should be a double blessing.  I have tried getting up early and spending the “Jesus quality moments” and it just doesn’t work. I don’t do mornings. If I do too many mornings in a row, and I blame it more on the one doing the snoring, I actually get sick. I cannot sleep good enough to wake up before my sleep number factor is reached.  Which, is why I am usually in bed at 9 p.m. doing my calm down and Psalms moments.“My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast;I will sing and give praise. “Awake, my glory! Awake, lute and harp! I will awaken the dawn”     I am not sure anyone in the house wants me to get out the guitar or mandolin and begin making music.  Well, they don’t mind, but not right now-before the dawn is awakened. I am only awake this a.m. because I totally forgot to shut off the alarm on my i-pad and it kept going. Technology doesn’t ever do what our minds think it should do, it does what we program it to do. 6 a.m. every Sunday the alarm goes off and continues going off until it runs out of battery or the one who set it gets up and shuts it off.

The beauty of the dawn awakening is unlike any other beauty. I had the honor of traveling around the world this past year. There is beauty in every place I saw. Most every picture I look at is breathtaking either from a physical beauty or a spiritual beauty. My heart smiles when I see the Victoria Falls of Zambia, and the smiles of those kids at the well in Uganda. I marvel at the windmills of Holland and the castles of Germany. The picture of the lighthouse in Duluth with the waves crashing against the shore is breathtaking…. but, when and if I am awake and see the sun rising, that’s a beauty all unto it’s own. There were a few times in our flights that we flew into a sunrise.That’s almost indescribable. And God tells reminds me through David, “my heart is steadfast, I will awaken the dawn.”  We all know what’s in our heart does affect the beauty of the sunrise means something different.  If we are troubled,  the start of a new day may simple be overwhelming with how we will handle the troubles we didn’t leave on our pillows but brought with us when we awoke. If our heart is steadfast, it’s a totally different way we awaken the dawn. It’s more of a confident, reassuring, calm conquering of our world that we greet the sunrise and say, “God, you and I got this and it will be a wonderful day. I am alive and you are within my being.”  The rest of the chapter definitely does lead up to the awakening, which is very indicative of our lives. What’s happened before we lay our heads on the pillow usually does affect how we get up.  David had run away from Saul and was hiding in a cave. I haven’t had that exact experience, but I have been in many caves in my mind.  And yet, praise and understanding who God is was first in David’s mind.  I am in a crappy place, and yet God is still God. I am frustrated with how others are treating me, God is still God. I am running for my life, God is still God. And both of us, will awaken the dawn much better than simply one of us; especially if that one is me.

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It’s beauty is unparalleled. Lighthouses along the shore are gorgeous. It’s usefulness perhaps not as demanded as in the days before our technology, but lighthouses had a purpose. So, as beautiful and scary as a storm may be off the Great Lakes, the relief of seeing the light across the waves and knowing you were close to land, but then the realization you didn’t know how close to land, and could you still perhaps, crash along the shore. The power of the waves and the power of the light.

How, can I be a lighthouse? For to be a lighthouse, I must be close to the storm. I must be close enough to potential danger to be able to warn others. And yet, if I am close to danger, there is a chance of my being in danger… I must love others enough to be out of my comfort zone, and close enough to them to lend a hand, to extend a rope and to wrap them with my warm coat while I shiver…