Author: marettej

I am sitting in my daughters living room. There is a hole in her ceiling. It represents many things, one of the things it says is no more leaks. It also says dad was here, water dripping and slightly ugly. The biggest things I can say about the hole is success. The drip is fixed, the water is gone and eventually when dad comes back again in the winter it will be fixed and no one will ever know.

We tend to look at holes in our lives as more than simply damage control. Someone once told me the scars on their body reminds them they lived through it and are alive. Other people see the scars and lament the scars and miss the lesson.

We have a hole in a ceiling of our house. The difference is we are on the other side of it being fixed. They haven’t solved the issue yet. There will be more holes before they get done. How do I handle the holes? Well for one, I left home. Actually we have a wedding, but sometimes we run away when the holes appear. It’s scary, it’s frustrating and in our case very smelly.

God allows holes in our lives to remind us and teach us to depend on him. He reminds us that we are not in control of this life. He reminds us that a hole is not a bad thing. God uses holes and leads us to learn something about ourselves and how much we rely on God.

So look at the holes and see God working. Look at the holes and be thankful God have you a hole for him to repair. Be thankful your hole is not like others holes. We all have our holes and comparing holes just gets our souls in a tizzy. However, I would rather have Addlea’s hole right now because the problem has been fixed. However, I am not home for a few days so therefore I am thankful. Hopefully my sisters house doesn’t have a hole. It’s a wedding weekend for us. But if there was a hole, sometimes God tells us to wait until he has time to fix the hole. I don’t like the thought of waiting four days before the plumbers can come make a plan and then two more weeks before they can solve the problem. But waiting is a part of life and I have friends I can go visit when the smell gets too bad. And we open the windows! And I am sure God is laughing just a bit . Find the humor in holes: it makes them appear innocent and amusing. And we are much happier people when we are laughing at the holes and around them with other people: people help us tolerate our holes much better.

         Worship. An act of placing one’s attention, focus and heart on something important. Worship. A thing to do on Sunday’s. Worship. A preference of music style and/or preaching. Worship. A collection of people who come together in a common bond to put their affection on one focal point.  According to Webster, worship as a noun is the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity. As a verb, worship changes to actively show reverence and adoration for a diety.

      I have sat in worship and I have participated in worship. Sometimes I am not in the normal place or experience. We worship for many reasons and my worship in the past few months have been different.  Sometimes reasons are to be where someone else needs. If we are worshipping God, it shouldn’t matter but when the focus is on who we worship.   Sometimes Jesus did that. Ok, a lot of times Jesus did that.  His focus was on being where he was needed and led. Worship where we want to changes, when it becomes worship because we need to. When we go to worship because it’s a thing to do it satisfies “that” part of our heart. When we worship because we are driven to worship, there is a different part of our soul that is touched.

Yesterday many of Minnesota fans were worshipping.  They were placing their attention and expression of adoration for the Minnesota Vikings. A big reason was because the Vikings won.  Several weeks ago the worship and adoration was missing. It was grumbling, anger and lots of words on twitter.  Today there is a different level of their worship because they had a good experience. That is so much a part of our human mind and heart. We tend to worship when worship satisfies us and yet, why would we worship when something in our heart doesn’t skip a beat in worship? Why would we go worship and seek to fill the hole when where we go is serving empty ladles?  Ritual and routine often replace the meaning worship should have because of the empty ladles. Go to church, sit in the pew, stand for the songs, if they have corporate prayer or read the Bible outloud one may assume the position of reverence but when one leaves it’s not a drive to go out and tell others about the incredible one we worshipped because we leave a bit empty and “oh well- church was nice today”.

I sat in worship the other day as people cried out in prayer, others went and knelt at the alter and others prayed with them while still others stood at their seats in silent prayer.  The music was quality and with depth. The message was Bible based, deep in thought, not amusing, entertaining or with jokes, but with Jesus said, God inspired and how will you respond questions? That kind of worship has kept me worshipping all week.

I drove home yesterday from church thinking about Worship.  I had been challenged in church to be gracious, be humble, be grateful and be serving. It wasn’t exactly a feel good sermon. It was an “ouch, oops, didn’t do that well, but I can do better” moment and the words of the song, “Yet not I but through Christ in me”.   Worship should invade our heart so worship doesn’t end with the Benediction. Worship should be the first thing we thought of when we woke up; yes even with it raining. Worship simply because I have no other reaction to the mighty grace of God that touched my heart and made me worth being around. Worship because through Christ, I have grace that gives me a reason to get up when it’s raining and a reason to smile when a snow storm is coming. Worship because I can do nothing else!

I remember because I will never forget. Our child, oldest to be specific didn’t do new things or leaving mother well. Sunday school, occasional day care, kindergarten, ballet, soccer, new babysitters: trauma. We would assure her she was fine and we would talk through things at home and it was great until mom/dad had to separate and walk away. She knew she was fine, she could communicate that to us but then she would go into hyperventilate freak out stage.

Of course I am Different. On the outside at least I portray a very calm demeanor and nothing can rattle my cage. And then as my friend so eloquently put it, I am paddling frantically like a duck under water.

The new and the unknown is scary. I am sitting at a breakfast nook far from home anticipating the new. Today I walk into the seminary building and begin a on campus portion of a class. This is all new to me. The books are hard. The textual essays make no sense. The writing center shoes me how much I don’t know about academic writing. The comments other people make on the forums I wonder if I am in the same world much less the same class and reading the same book.

Jesus did “new” amazingly well. Except for the fact that he created everything gave him a head start in new, his response to new situations was to think and contemplate and be slow to speak. My response to new situations is to crouch, hide and run if possible. It’s not really a thinking moment. If, perhaps I get caught in the new and need to speak, it’s usually not with thought, contemplation or wise words.

So today, I will try to be more like Jesus than myself. In any day, that is a good solution to what we face when we think we have no clue what we are doing,

When caught in between a rock and a hard place, Jesus talked to the father.

When people were pressing him for answers that were ridiculous, he simply looked at them and was silent. Silence does odd things to people. Of course so does writing in the sand, Jesus had a way of simply taking the stress out of a situation. Awkward moments he takes away the awk and moves it forward. When caught in a struggle, he tells a story.

So today I am walking into the new chapter of my life with seminary, on campus, and I will keep telling myself to be like Jesus. Listen, smile, listen, smile, talk to God and then if I find words, speak. If I feel totally confused, pretend the others do to: they probably are. If I feel a bit left out and not sure, I don’t need to be confidant, I just need to be there. And in the midst of being a bit apprehensive God always does this little sign for me. I know it. It’s happened often enough I get it now. I can smile and say, no worries God. You just returned the rest to stressed. See if you move the letters around in stressed, you get rested and you even have a remainder of 2. God usually does that. He always gives us what we need and then a few leftovers.

I am reading in Philemon for a few days. I know the story: run away slave, Paul found him and sent him back to his owner with a plea. I hear the words he said and wonder what I would think if someone who has betrayed me came back to me with a letter from someone I highly respected. That would carry more weight than a simple, I am sorry please take me back. But the words Paul uses tears my heart in a totally different way. But now is profitable to you and me. I know much of my life has not been profitable to much of anyone. That hurts the heart. That also bring to the forefront what forgiveness is all about. If God thinks I can be profitable again by his forgiveness then people surely will see my value. That’s a God moment; people aren’t so quick to have a change of heart. I can put myself in Onesimus shoes. Standing there while the old master read the letter waiting for the other shoe to fall. Watching his owners eyes and body language and waiting to see what would happen. I think about that when people have shut me out, considered me useless to them and it has happened in the past few years. Hurt, frustration and betrayal make the heart want to stay hidden under a rock. But God says I am profitable. God says I am valuable. God says I am priceless.

The flowers, beautiful cone flowers are actually quite ugly until they bloom. I have been Trying to get a row to grow along side the lounge . It has been a challenge. And then, it seemed to happen overnight but I know it wasn’t quite that simple, I looked and the whole wall of the lounge and the wooden bunker is filled with bloom and beauty. The beauty was there before but hidden by undeveloped green stalks not quite ready to bloom. We are much like those green stalls. Given time we will be beautiful and profitable. Walking others through life never let us forget that we will all be profitable someday. And never forget forgiveness is a conduit through you and doesn’t stop with you.

 There is a saying, “Hindsight is 20/20”.  Another, “Hindsight is wonderful. It’s always very easy to second guess after the fact.”

I have great conversations with the rear view mirror. I am probably the only one. You always say the right thing, at the right time, with the right facial look and the right tone of voice. I don’t. I get beyond the situation, sometimes for less than a minute and think, I should have said this, or used this approach, or kept my  mouth shut or better yet not even come here in the first place.   Our rear view windows seem to be always much cleaner than our windshields, less bug guts and less traffic. The truth is, we can’t go back but we can learn.  I rarely make the same mistake twice. I tend to look back with discouragement because I make such a big mess the first time, I won’t repeat that mess.  I should think of the walk through a muddy lane as a challenge to learn and try a new approach next time. I can always see what I should have done differently, but do I pray and ask God to help me prepare for the next time?   Rather than spending time worrying about what I should have done, just talk to the rear view mirror about how next time can be a positive and a great experience. The rear view mirror is usually clean because we don’t have sticky fingers all over it. The back window doesn’t have the bug guts and bird poop because the front window takes all the brunt of the wind. Remember that the beauty of the moment or what you think you see looks different from where you are sitting in the car.

I grew up sitting on Grandma’s lap in the back seat, right hand side of the red Impala. The road looked different from where I was sitting. All I saw was the white line and grandma’s smiling face. When I got bigger and couldn’t sit on Grandma anymore, so we didn’t hurt Grandma, I sat in the middle seat. Suddenly I could see the front window, part of the road and both sides where the ditches are. Eventually I progressed to the shot gun seat, and then driving. All in the same car (well the impala was gone and we had a green Ford wagon then) but when we change our position in the car, looking at how we are driving, living and the decisions we make changes. My conversations with the rear view mirror are different now.

Just something to think about. God doesn’t want us looking backwards all the time. See where you have come, change what you can and do it different next time. That’s what the Holy Spirit does best; changes the future by how he teaches us from our past.