Walking with a friend so they aren’t alone

Being lonely is one of the oddest feelings. For some, it’s a relief from the busyness of people. For others it’s a calm amongst the storms that seem to assault one’s heart. Some people are lonely and obvious. Others are lonely and they look like they are having the time of their live. Our heart has a way of being vulnerable to only those we feel will understand.

What I have learned about loneliness is no one really wants to be but few know how to decipher being alone and loneliness. I love being alone. I don’t like to be lonely. Being alone is having your presence be on a higher level than those around you. We can be alone in a crowd. We can be lonely with many people surrounding us.

This past few months I walked with friends as they faced cancer and ultimately death. I spent  being with them so they weren’t alone or lonely. Was I always active and talking? For once, no and I realize some of you find that hard to believe. Was I doing, visiting, bonding and embracing togetherness? No, I was there. Sometimes just being there gives others the option to embrace being alone or avoid being lonely.

I learned many years ago, being a friend to someone gives them the power to use from your heart what they need. Sometimes I need a laughing friend. Other times a quiet friend. Often I need a friend to bounce ideas off their soul. Yet, other times it’s the knowledge that they are there and nothing else matters.  Often we can’t repair the hole in the dike we are all standing beside but just the presence of another helps you handle getting your feet wet and bailing water goes better with another hand to hold a pail.

I have also found it doesn’t matter if you want to be where God places you, when you put your want somewhere because you love people, God makes the rest easier.  Change my life plans? Yes- we have put life on hold in the past month. Was it easy? Yes! Did I like it? Not necessarily did I ever ask myself if I liked what we were going through. Because I could love someone and walk with them, it didn’t matter if I liked it or not. Love is action and being with people is more important than wanting to be. There were many people who should have stepped up who didn’t. They didn’t want to! And then there were people who stepped in the gap and simply lived life alongside the ones going through the valley.

As I debriefed in my brain the past couple days of all we have processed in the past few months, I found myself crying; in Hobby Lobby no less. Why Hobby Lobby? Because they have these neat signs that say things that weren’t just words: they were the actions I had lived out.  I found myself laughing at something that wasn’t funny to normal people. We laughed because in the  midst of struggle, one’s mind does odd things. One makes a goofy comment and the rest dissolve into giggles on the floor. You have all been a part of inside jokes. We have a lot of them. Those who chose to not love in action, just look and wonder. I believe those are God moments. There are moments where God gives a smile because the  heart can’t take anymore sorrow.

The sun came up Friday morning. I looked out the window after a couple hours of sleep in my bed and thought, ‘it’s over’. Actually, it’s just begun. Valley’s we walk through and come out the other side to the meadow.  Beyond the meadow is a beautiful mountain waiting to be climbed.  When one walks with another through life incident, it’s not a stop walking moment because it’s over, but a keep walking together lifestyle. The time is coming, and it will come, that I will have the life-stopping heart moment.  It’s happened in the past. It’s moments like these I look back and see the hands of friends who reached out and kept me putting one foot in front of the other. I see their encouraging notes, read their letters that I saved and remember that it’s not about me, it’s about the life God has given us all to live. “There encourage one another and build each other up” 1 Thess. 5:11.

Sometimes that means sleeping on couches, standing by hospital beds, running errands, eating left over pizza and simply quietly being in the room. Sometimes it means singing, cleaning, cooking, driving, listening or playing cards. This walking through life with each other is an adventure. Looking back at the past two months, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s right where God asked me to be.  Now, it’s your turn to look around at where you are and where God may be asking you to be. Don’t second guess, don’t think about it: when God says go and love your neighbor, it means action! You will be blessed beyond what you can even imagine.