To mend or not to mend

I am working on my Bible study lesson for Tuesday. We are concluding a study of Ecclesiastes 3 and the fourteen challenges of life. The “to be’s or not to be’s” of life. It’s been an interesting study. We buried one of our own during the week on a time to be born and a time to die. The ladies were all nervous about the birth part as most of them are well past child bearing and none of them really wanted to be a Sarah and Abraham.

We are toward the end; to mend or not to mend. When the cost of the needles one breaks exceeds the cost of the new jeans, I don’t mend. That is my line in the sand. If I break enough needles seeing through layers of patches, and they always rip them out in the knee, then I can buy new jeans. Sewing machine needles are costly. If only the rest of life were that simple. But what if we really did a balance scale for the moments in life we pause? What if? Put it on the balance scale. When? Put it on the balance scale.

In my research for the next phrase, a time to speak up and a time to shut up, I found a book and it posed some interesting questions. The cost and purpose of silence, how to ask good questions and how to overcome the pressure to remain silent. They are really good thoughts, but now to act upon them. There is a cost of being silent. There is also a cost of speaking up at the wrong time even if we say the right thing. How do I know? Well, I usually know when the room goes silent and I think to myself, “I actually said that out loud didn’t I”.

Timing, as in Ecc. 3 is everything. God doesn’t expect us to get it right every time, but he does give us some really good guidelines for a better than average batting percentage.

So I am telling the ladies these things this week. And if they read this, they may just stay home from Bible Study… who knows.

1. A good answer changes with people and circumstances. Each of us process things differently. The right answer is always the right answer. When to give that answer changes. When to let someone discover that answer by themselves, when to love on them first, then answer, or when to simply pray and let God deliver.

2. There are times when no matter what you say it’s wrong. Not that Its wrong, but the heart to receive it isn’t ready. So, zip it. Clam up. Count to ten. Take a hike. Make cookies… do anything but get drawn into a verbal boxing match…. Jesus drew in the sand… he didn’t talk until everyone was gone. We don’t have how many awkward minutes went by, but there were quite a few. Don’t worry about silence.. sometimes it is golden.

3. If you haven’t prayed about it, keep quiet. If you haven’t lived through it, swallow those words. If you just don’t like the quiet, so what. Sometimes we speak because we think someone has to say something. A hug, a smile, holding a hand, or simply just being in the room, is priceless compared to words that are simply words with little thought out meaning.

4. And lastly, telling the truth can be deadly. Pick your war carefully but remember, Jesus was blasted for his words. And have was God. Don’t back down from the truth but be prepared to pay the price. Choosing words carefully and timing your approach is what we struggle our whole life to figure out. And when we get it all figured out, our memory is leaving us and therefore we forget what wonderful words we had…or wake up when they come to our mind at 3 a.m. when it doesn’t matter anymore.

You are all welcome at Bible Study Tuesday. For some of you it’s a long drive, but we will open the Bible and read… and then choose our words carefully while we determine which pair of jeans are worth mending and which will go in the craft bin….